Piss Off Mother Nature

Breasts.Boobies. Titties. Chee-Chees. The girls. Tommy and Chuckie as one weird girl on my HS cheer squad called em. I always wanted some. Except when it was bra buying day and I made my Nana carry the bag around the mall because I just knew people would know I had a bra in there and that made me really embarrassed for some reason. (side note: I did the same thing when I started my period. I didn't buy my own "supplies" til I was out of high school).

I was a nearly A (that's right, NEARLY A) when I was 13, an A cup when I was a freshman and then sophomore year I made it to a B cup. I happily announced that to anyone who happened to say hello to me. It was a big deal! I had boobs! Sorta. I stayed a steady 34 B til I got pregnant when I was 23. I was so excited! Yeah the baby was great news but I was almost equally as stoked for the awesome boobs I envisioned myself with! Sorry kid. ;)

I was 14 weeks along when my little sister looked up as I was changing my shirt for our trip to the mall and said, "You need a new bra."

Me: "I do?" I was surprised. I honestly didn't feel like I had grown enough to need a new bra. I was only 14 weeks.

Sister: "Your boobs are about to fall out of your bra!"

Me: "Ok, let's make a stop at VS when we get to the mall and I'll get measured."

Off we went to the mall and low and behold the VS sales lady measured me and announced "36 D."

My jaw hit the floor. 36D?! I thought I'd have to get a boob job to get those size boobies! I did a victory dance right then and there and called my hubby to report the joyous news: I had boobs! Big ones too! My sis even bought me a new bra. She's awesome like that.

I reveled in my new additions. Low cut tops? Check. Push up bra? Check. Bending over so anyone could get an eyeful, wanted or not? Double check!

After delivery was even better. Milk boobs. And after my stomach went down(still fat but not preggo) they looked even bigger. I breastfed for 3 1/2 months before my milk dried up and not only did I feel bad for not being able to feed my kid the nutriousness that is breast milk, I wasn't ready to go back to little boobs. So I bought a 36 C bra and wore that for awhile as my boobs started to shrink. Then that bra no longer fit but my old bras didn't fit either (hello post-pregnancy back fat!) so I just wore that one til my husband told me "I can see down to your belly button, the gap between your bra and your boob is so big." Jerk. But he was a correct jerk. On went the 34 B, a lil tight in the back but fit in the front. I just wore (ok wear) a stretchy spaghetti strap tank top under any non-flowy top to help disguise the roll.

My daughter is 14 months old and a month ago I came out in a tank top sans bra and my aunt was sitting on the couch. She looked up and exclaimed, "You really DON'T have any boobs!"

Me: crosses arms over non-existent chest, "Gee, thanks."

Family. Always there to knock ya down a peg.

Then, like two weeks ago, I noticed a gap in my bra. Are. you. freaking. kidding. me??????? Goddamn you Mother Nature! You're a thief! You're not supposed to take what little I had to begin with! It's not right! It's not fair!!

::throws herself on the floor and cries::

Anywho, the moral of the story is: Mother Nature is a shiesty bitch. You can tell her I said that.

Loss

I can't get this out of my head so I decided to write about it and am hoping I make no mistakes in the telling of this devastating loss.

One of my best friend's lost a friend yesterday under very tragic circumstances. All death is sad but this one hits a bit harder than most. You see, her friend Jewelyn and her husband Phillip went in to have their baby girl Gabrielle and this happy and excited time turned into a situation that you think only happens in movies, books, or tv...not to your friend. She needed an emergency C-section due to a drop in her own heart rate and at that time she suffered an amniotic embolism and disseminated intravascular coagulation (DIC) and lost all brain activity. Her husband had an agonizing decision to make. At 11:30 am Sunday September 27th, 2009 they shut off life support and she passed away. I believe she never laid eyes on her daughter. Gabrielle (I hear) is at UCLA where she was transferred after delivery and is doing well. Thank god for that.

I have never met this woman. I have only heard her name mentioned or seen it on Bestie Jenn's Facebook page. A comment on a status, a retelling of something said on their board on the nest, is all I knew of her, til yesterday. I've seen pictures, read stories, heard stories all about this wonderful woman and how this world is less bright without her in it. It makes me cry and makes my heart ache to know that her daughter will never met her mother and that her husband has to know the joy of having a child born and the anguish of losing his soul mate all in the same day. Two events that should not be linked. It's very similar to my friend Matt's situation (www.mattlogelin.com) who lost his wife 27 hours after the birth of his little girl Madeline.

Why the fuck does this happen? It makes NO sense. I know it could drive a person crazy trying to figure out the answer to that but I can't help it. So many things happen in this world that I just don't understand. Things that I wish so badly I could fix. But I can't and that's a horrible feeling. What I CAN do, is get with the amazing women who are already working on how to make this terrible, painful time a smidge better/easier for this family. And I will. You can help too...even if you can't donate money, please say a prayer, send some love their way (I can get the p.o. box if you want it) it's all good.

Also, as cheesy as this sounds, don't take life or the people you love for granted and know that tomorrow is never guaranteed.

R.I.P. Best Flip Flop Ever

So if you follow me on Facebook, you already know about the demise of my favorite pair of flippy flops, but I decided that since they were so awesome and since I can't seem to post regularly, I'd write about it more in depth here. No one said that all my posts would be interesting to anyone but me. :)

Ahem. Said Flip-flop was indeed the best flip-flop a girl could ask for. Always there to complete my outfit with style and comfort. I bought them in 2003...yes, you aren't seeing things, 2003. No one can say that I didn't get my money's worth outta those babies. I tried to get out of buying them by "borrowing" my little sister's best friend's pair but alas, she wanted hers back so I had to purchase a pair of my very own. And from that day on, we were inseparable. We had many adventures, went to many places, had a lot of good times. ::sigh::

A few months ago, I noticed part of the shoe by my heel getting thinner and thinner. A hole was on it's way. But that didn't stop my little sandal, no sirree bob. It kept going strong even as I could feel the hot asphalt through the shoe and a friend's husband asked me if I was a "hobo." Pssshhh, hater. My shoe was a trooper!

Sadly, Wednesday September 23, 2009 my shoe lost it's fight with the dreaded hole. You will be missed. I can only hope to find a replacement as fabulous as you. ::sniff::

Sometime 2003-September 23, 2009

Dear Bella

Dear Bella,

I was inspired today by Heather (thespohrsaremulitplying.com) to write you a letter. I have thought about and intended to do it countless other times but after reading Heather's letter, I made myself sit down and do it.

Finding out I was pregnant with you was the most exhilarating and terrifying day of my life (before birthing you out and then realizing that it was mine and your father's sole responsibility to keep you alive and teach you to be a wonderful human being, but I digress). We had been TTC for four months to no avail when I finally got TWO fabulous pink lines after I peed on that little stick. You weren't a surprise but it was still scary. It was real, it was happening: I was going to have a baby!

You were a pretty good lil fetus, I must say. Only once did I throw up even though I felt like I was for most if the day but it wasn't too horrible. I enjoyed being pregnant. Eating whatever I wanted, no sucking in my stomach and feeling/then seeing you move around in there was amazing. That day in February when we found out you were a girl...the happiness is indescribable. We went shopping right after the appointment and bought your bedding, some room decor and of course, clothes and a fab pair of leopard print mary janes. We named you that day too, after months of arguing, your daddy really did like Isabella Marie but enjoyed fighting with me too much to say so. :/

The pregnancy progressed and it got time for you to arrive. You decided to fashionably late by 2 days and after being induced, you were born and I was exhausted yet over the moon to finally see your little face. You were/are the most beautiful baby I have ever seen (I'm not biased or anything lol) and immediately I fell more in love with you then I ever thought possible.

This past year has been crazy for your daddy and I but having you has made all those things seem so insignificant. How can I look at you and not smile? Unless you are doing that dinosaur-like scream as you roll around on the floor...ok, even that makes me laugh at first. You have taught me so much. I'm finding my inner child again as I get down to play and giggle with you. I see you in awe of things that I have come to not even notice anymore and it brings me back, makes me slow down and truly appreciate the little things in life.

Now it's not always easy being a mother and I know that patience is a virtue that you are still working on with me. But for you, I want to be the best mother I can. To give you the love I had as a child and more. To give you anything your heart desires and to show you that you can do anything you set your mind too, you are that awesome.

I'm in awe of this person growing right in front of my eyes. Every day you learn new things and it's with delight and pride that I watch you practice your new skills. I could watch you for hours. You are becoming more and more independent and I can't believe how big you are! You aren't an infant anymore, you are a toddler. My eyes well up when I think of how fast this year went but I know that I enjoyed it all and would do it again in a heartbeat.

I'm going to end this now even though I could go on all day about how great you are and how much I love you.

Bella Boo, you made me a mom. Thank you. I love you with my whole heart and then some baby girl.

xoxoxoxo,
Mommy

Bella turns 1....this post in SUPER late

As you can see, not only am I a slacker, I am lazy. Just pics, no real post. :)

Bella had a great time at her birthday extravaganza. She jumped, swam, played with her buddies, ate tacos and had cake for the very first time. Her ladybug cake made her look like a zombie who just got done feasting on some brains but whatever. She got many wonderful gifts and celebrated her day with some fabulous people. I still can't believe she's one. ::sighs::

A year and a few days ago

I planned to write this on Saturday, July 4, 2009 but I didn't have a chance so today wins.


One year ago from said Saturday, this is what I was doing:

Getting my maternity pictures done by the fabulous Bestie Jenn (http://www.littlefishphotography.blogspot.com/). It wasn't typical 4th of July doings but who cares? I was so excited to have these done, something to show my daughter when she got older. Look how happy your mommy and daddy were to be having you and how excited they were to meet you! We were doing the baby countdown. I was 38 1/2 weeks pregnant, hoping, ok sometimes praying, to go into labor. I loved being pregnant 98% of the time but by this point in time I was huge, Bella was moving internal organs, and it was so, so hot. I was ready. Bestie Jenn showed up and we had a great time. No fuss, no muss just enjoyed the morning, getting our picture taken. She got so many great shots, it was hard to believe this was her first maternity shoot.

She had some great ideas and also let me get creative too. She was even kind enough to lend me her sunglasses.

Afterwards, we went and had some lunch at our favorite lil mexican joint. It was a fabulous day. I absolutely treasure these pictures and Bestie Jenn for taking them. Isn't she talented? Makes me wanna have another baby just to take some more. LOL Did I just say that? ;)

Nephew!

My new, super gorgeous nephew is here! Check him out!

Deivered via c-section on Sunday June 7th, 2009 at 11:12 am, Mr. Blake Robert is 8 lbs. 1 0z of deliciousness! He is also 21 inches long, he has cute, chubby cheeks and reddish-blondie hair. Couldn't you just die? I did.

Yes, I am rocking the fabulously chic blue mask. I was sick that day (thought I was on the mend, so wrong) and I triple sanitized my hands before I held him. I couldn't wait to get my hands on that little boy. I would've worn a haz-mat suit to be there and I'm so glad I was. Mom and baby boy are at home now and doing great. I am so excited to not be sick so I can get my ass over there for some kisses and snuggles.

Congrats little sis, you did great! You too Bobby! I love all three of you!

Loss

Three years ago today, my Papa. He was so kind, selfless and funny. He gave and gave even when he didn't have anything left to give. Generous and loving from his head to his toes. Anything to make the people he loved happy. He loved my Nana more then I've ever seen someone love another human being. So when she died on December 10, 2005 he couldn't live without her. He got sick two weeks later, was in the hospital one month later, in the ICU a month after that and in and out of the hospital the next few months and a final ICU stay a few days before we brought him home to die. He made himself live til after my wedding and my honeymoon and then my sister's birthday. He walked (with my father on the other arm) me down the aisle and gave me away. In May, he decided he didn't want to be in the hospital where the IV meds he was being given could only be given to him there, in the ICU. I think he thought he had more time then he really had. He came home on a Tuesday and died in his sleep around 2 am that Saturday as I slept on the couch across from his hospital bed that the home hospice people provided.

I remember being sad but I also remember being relieved. He had been in so much pain, so scared and hardly able to breathe, confined to the downstairs couch for months. He missed my Nana so much he could hardly stand it. Now they are together and that makes me smile even though I wish they were together, here, with me and my family.

I have a picture of me sitting on his lap with a book. He's wearing mickey mouse ears and I'm in footie pajamas.. I think I'm 2-3 years old. I gave it to him the Christmas right after my Nana died, the most painful Christmas I've ever experienced. That picture now sits on my daughter's book case in her room. One day I will tell her all the wonderful things about her great-grandparents and I will raise her the way they raised me. Instill in her the values and morals that they instilled in me. She will know them.

I also lost another beloved family member on this day last year: My Great-Grandma Rich, my Nana's mother. She was 93 years old and still out there with her boyfriend Milo, singing and dancing at the "old folks" home. She got sick with what they thought was pneumonia at first and then discovered it was cancer. She was hospitalized then moved to a hospice where she died a few days after me (and Bella in utero), Joe and my sister visited her. It happened so fast (within a few weeks), it stunned us all, especially Milo. They had been together for over 20 years. She was his life and it broke my heart to see him lose her. She was so funny and talented. She was very into her appearance so we had to put her makeup on when we visited her and again when she passed away. She asked us the first time and we knew she'd have it no other way after she died. I miss her very much. I brought her a 3-D ultrasound pic of Bella and she cried. She put her hand on my swollen belly and cried. She knew she wouldn't get to meet her. But Bella will know her just like her great-parents.

I try not to be sad but it's hard some days. It will just hit me that they are all gone and it takes my breath away. That I can't just drive over to see them or pick up the phone to talk to them. To know that Bella will never meet them absolutely breaks my heart. Some times I feel like I'm not whole. But I know that, one day, we'll be together again and that they are watching over us.

R.I.P Jeri (Papa) Tiley and Wilma (Great-Grandma) Rich. We miss you so very much.

Trying to catch up

Ok, ok, it's official: I suck at blogging. It's been almost a month since I last posted....bad Tricia. No reason really...I've been a bit busy: I blog at work because at home I don't have the time unless Bella is sleeping and then I have to catch up on all the other things I need to do, like watch my recorded General Hospitals, ahem, I mean do laundry and clean the house. So this poor blog gets neglected and I get instant messages from my little sister harassing me about my inability to keep this thing updated. Jerk. :D

So what's been going on this past month? Why, I'd love to fill you in!

Chrissy-poo and fam were here from March 26th to May 13th. I finally got to meet Hanna-poo and Chrissy got to meet Bella. It was so awesome! Hanna is even more beautiful in person. I tried to spend as much time as possible with them. We went to the San Diego Zoo with the kids and the hubbies and had a great time. I wish they didn't have to go back but I know they will be back home for good soon and I can't wait!

Bella: Growing like a weed. She had a dr. appointment on the 12th of May and is 18.9 pounds and 29 inches tall. Good lord that child is long! Doc says that she is still a bit tall for her age and that she is super healthy. Exactly what I like to hear. Bella took her first steps on April 27th! She took them for my mother-in-law (another reason it kills me to have to go to work but those are my issues) and then delightedly repeatedly them for Joe and I. She's getting more and more confident and I think she'll be walking or running around soon. Good thing we got that baby jail! She's trying to say annie, our dog's name and has several meanings for "BA!" Her book, her bottle and her ball. But you always know which one she wants. She amazes me with how smart she is. You can ask her "Bella, where is the big, red doggie?" And she will go and get her Clifford the Big Red Dog book and thump it. Unless you're at Bestie Jenn's, then she makes you look like a liar. She has the best personality and thinks that everyone is her friend. Don't take her anywhere if you want it to be quick. She says hi to everyone. Love her. Bella also likes to bite my feet and can hardly get her mouth on my foot before she dissolves in hysterical laughter. I made the mistake of squealing in surprise the first time she did it so she tries to do it all the time. Crazy kid.

My sister had her baby shower and it went really well if I do say so myself. They are really loved by so many amazing people and were given so many great gifts. I was so happy and am so grateful to everyone. We played some games, ate yummy food and just chit chatted with friends and family, all there to celebrate my nephew's impending arrival. Speaking of that: My sis was given a date to induce, June 7th, 2009 but we're all hoping (esp. her) that he comes sooner. I can't wait to meet my nephew! Little sister also turned 23 on the 12th and got engaged! I'm so happy for her!

My little brother found out he's having a little boy and is thrilled beyond belief. Ryder Joshua is his name and I can't believe I'm going to have 2 more nephews this year! I say 2 more because two of my bestie's are having boys too!

Actually, one bestie had her baby early! Russell Gunner (Mr. Gunn as I like to call him) was born on April 29th, 2009 (the day before her and her twin sister's 25th birthday) after 4 1/2 hours of labor and 10 minutes of pushing...don't you want to punch her?? She's so having my next baby. Mama and baby are great and gorgeous. I'm anxious to meet the lil fella.

I fell off the diet wagon right after my pat myself on the back post went up but luckily I haven't gained too much of the 3 poundies back. I'm trying to jog on my days off but it's so goddamn hot that I have to do it super early or melt like the wicked witch. So my happy ass is up at 5:30 am, huffin and puffin around my neighborhood after I have spent ten minutes convincing myself to get up. I've gone twice...I need new shoes, my old ones are so not working for me anymore. But I actually enjoy myself. It's really peaceful. The sun isn't up and there aren't a lot of people driving around. It's the only way to get the belly pooch off but I really love sleep. We'll see how this goes.

My nephew baby B turned 1 on the 11th and so did Miss Kennedy! I didn't make it to her birthday party on the 9th but heard is was a nice day. Baby B had his party the same day and we all went to Chuck E Cheese. I hadn't been there in so long, that place is really expensive! After a few hours there, we went back to grandma and grandpa's for swimming, cake and presents. Bella fell out of the pool and we both cried but she was ok. Baby B had a great birthday. I can't believe he's 1 already!

Bestie Jenn's niece turned 1 on Monday, so a happy birthday shout out is in order: Happy Birthday Zoey! All these babies turning one so fast, including Bella Boo who's birthday is coming up so fast I can hardly stand it.

We went and saw Bestie Jenn and her hubby last Saturday and that was nice. They made us lunch and Jenn and I went to our favorite place, Target, and wandered around happily for an hour. It's nice to be out without a baby sometimes. Especially if I am out with someone so great. :)

Oh! I learned something very important that Saturday night: DO NOT DRINK BARTELS & JAMES WINECOOLERS!!! Some things are best left in high school. Ick.

Ok, I mostly caught up...I think. If I missed anyone or anything, I apologize....my brain was being nice letting me remember this much. xoxoxo

Shopping

Yesterday Bella and I went shopping. This is not unusual. I love, love, LOVE to shop, to spend money, buying stuff rocks. What's unusual is that we went to the Moreno Valley Mall and that I bought a bathing suit that I love and feel so good in. I used to go to the Mo.Val Mall all the time when I lived in good ole Perris but after moving to Sun City and then Menifee, Temecula is so much closer and (at the time) so much nicer. Now Temecula is still super nice but I was pleasantly surprised to see that Mo.Val is comin' up. I had been there two weeks before with Chrissy-poo and fam but wasn't paying too much attention. I mean, I noticed it was nicer but I am not very observant these days. Bella and I got there before it opened so we took a quick tour while we waited. It looked really nice and had a bunch of new stores including the best mall shoe store I've seen in awhile. I'm going to be visiting there often I'm sure. Anywho, Victoria Secret finally opened and we went in to investigate the bathing suits. Now, I don't even like shopping for suits when I'm in shape so I was definitely dreading the post-baby trying on. I had been on a diet but as usual, I fell off the wagon. I didn't even attempt a two piece. Instead I opted for a one piece that covered the danger zone (middle of my tummy) but was open in the back and on the sides. Stylish and bit sexy, not frumpy old lady one piece. I grabbed a few sizes and styles and headed back to the fitting rooms, Bella in tow. Best fitting rooms I have ever been in! Big enough that Bella in her stroller could come in and I still had plenty of room and the soft lighting was fabulous! I think I will go try all my clothes on there. I tried on the first suit, so not cute and it made me not want to try on the second. But it was a different style so I made myself. It was great! In no way did I look like Adrianna Lima but I was happy and felt confident. My sister-in-law gave me a gift card that she wasn't going to use the rest of and I had a coupon for 10 bucks off so my lovely bathing suit was....drum roll please...$14.52! AND I got a free tote bag!

A cute, flattering, affordable new bathing suit and a free tote bag? Awesome.

Bella enjoyed her mall trip, getting a teething biscuit all over herself and her dress. It was gross looking and I had a hell of a time cleaning her up but it was her 9 month birthday and she was happy so whatever.

I am busy, busy getting ready for my little sister's baby shower this Saturday. I need to clean, make that scrub the dirtball I call my house, shop for a few last minute items and food and then I'll be ready. I can't wait, it's pirate themed and it's going to be super fun! Arg!

O, O, O!

Check out Matt and Maddy on Oprah today!

Birthday Parties, Easter and More

This weekend was really fun. On Saturday we went down to meet our new friend's Matt and Maddy for Maddy's first birthday party in Los Angeles. I have been looking forward to this since our play date at Griffith Park. Not only to see Matt and Maddy again, but also to see some of the other parents and kids that we met that day. We had such a great time. Talking, laughing, eating and watching Maddy cover herself and any one near her in cake and cupcake frosting. Matt ended up looking like swamp thing with all the green icing on his face courtesy of Maddy, it was awesome. Maddy even had cake on her butt...that's skill people. Bella really wanted some cake but Joe and I decided that we want her first taste of sugary goodness to be on her first birthday, with her own cake. I know, we're mean, whatever. But she enjoyed watching Maddy fling cake everywhere and I think she got some good ideas. Note to self: Let Joe hold Bella while she eats her cake...insert evil laugh here. We even got some pictures with Matt's awesome fortune telling robot but I am at work and my camera is at home and I suck at posting pictures even more then I suck a posting new entries on this thing. But hopefully I will remember to put up a few pictures for your viewing pleasure. We stayed for awhile and would have stayed longer but we ran out of bottles (Joe packed the food) so we had to call it a night and head back. I can't say it enough about how cool and nice that Matt is and his family and all the people we met there..some for the first time, others the second. I can't wait to get together again.

Sunday was Easter and we headed over to Joe's grandparent's house for the usual family get together. Yummy food, family time and an egg fight. Egg fight? It's not what it sounds like. Every person puts in 3 bucks and chooses a hard boiled egg from the basket (decorated by Oma with color pencil drawings, classic!). After the money has been collected and weapons chosen, the "fight" begins. Each person finds a partner and hits their egg (using the dull side, not the pointy) with the other person's egg. The person who's egg cracks, loses and the one who's egg did not moves on to the next round. It goes that way til their is only one egg left and the owner of super egg wins all the money. I did not win. I almost won last year. Joe's Opa and his twin cousins are good at this game and one of them wins ever year. I smell a cheater. Opa won this year and promised his winnings to one of the twins. It was a good pot too...65 smackers. I was sad to see go. I got a lil sunburned but the weather was so nice that I don't mind. Bella's Grandma made her a great Easter basket, Auntie Loekie bought her her adorable Easter dress, her Auntie Ginger and Uncle Tony got her a singing rabbit and we got her a cool toy. She also had her very first egg hunt. She picked up the eggs and even dropped each one into the basket! Sigh...someone is growing up.

We had a few drama moments this weekend but it seems that they have passed. All in all our weekend was filled with fun things and great people. I hope yours was too!

I got sad on Saturday, thinking about a two people who should have been at Maddy's party: Maddy's mom Liz and Maddy's buddy Maddie. But I think that they were there in spirit, singing and laughing right along with us. Maddie's service is tomorrow and I'm going to go and give my love and support to the Spohrs and their family. It's going to be a tough day. Please add them to your prayers.

Heartbreaking

Today is my three year wedding anniversary but that's not what I'm going to write about. I can't, it's not where my mind is at this moment.
I wrote about a play date that I went to last month, the great time I had, the great people I met. One person was a woman named Heather and her daughter, 15 month old Madeline. We chatted, the kids played, she let me follow her from the play date to the freeway so I would get home and not end up in lord knows where. We had exchanged e-mail addresses and blog sites and began to talk a bit. I really like her. She's smart and funny...her blog cracks me up. And Maddie, well that little beauty has the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen and a great smile to top it all off. Maddie was premature so when we met her, she actually weighed a lil less then Bella did but that's pretty normal I've heard. Anywho, reading blogs (hers included) is part of my morning routine but I didn't get on yesterday because I was out and about with friends. I got on this morning and the page loaded where all the updates are of the blogs I read and I see the first part of a post on Heather's blog and it was a friend posting...Maddie had gotten sick (there was a post from Monday afternoon that I didn't see) and had passed away yesterday. I couldn't believe it. I kept trying to refresh my page and was getting so angry that it was taking forever, I threw my mouse. I just knew I had read it wrong. God how I wish that was true. I am utterly heartbroken for her and her family. Parents aren't supposed to bury their children, it's not right. I know Death happens everyday but when a child dies...I have no words to express the sorrow and anguish that that must feel like. I'm not going to say that I understand because in no way do I, but my heart still aches for her. I am a mother and the thought of losing Bella makes me sick, physically ill. I can't seem to concentrate today, my thoughts as well as my prayers are with the Spohrs today and will be for awhile. I ask that whoever reads this, please keep them in your prayers for awhile. Pray that they are given the strength to go through this tragedy, that they can come out in one piece although they will go to pieces many times throughout... that somehow/someday they find peace. Her site is down, I'm sure because of so many going to the page but it's on my blogs that I follow: thespohrsaremultiplying.com. They are big advocates for the March of Dimes (a very worthwhile cause) and have asked for donations to them in lieu of flowers. If you can, that would be fabulous but the prayers are just as good. R.I.P. Madeline Alice Spohr It was a pleasure to have met you little one...you will be missed.

Workin' Out and New Arrivals for Bella

I've done it! I have stuck to my diet and exercise plan and get this: I lost 3 lbs! I am officially back at my pre-pre-pregnancy weight! I couldn't believe my eyes when I looked down (warily and hopefully) at the scale on Tuesday. I weighed myself three times just to be sure. I highly doubt that I will lose 3 lbs every week but I must say that seeing that really helped keep me motivated. It was my pat on the back, great job, keep it up. So I have and I will. I still have a long road ahead. Yes, the weight is gone but the mush is not. It's time to tone, tone, tone! You here me poochy belly? Love handles? Don't even get me started on you thighs! You're all going down and firmin' up! Ok, enough about me and my body fights. :)

Bella has some new accessories! Joe came into our bathroom where I was getting ready last Saturday, carrying Bella Boo and said: "My mom called and said spring has sprung for Bella." I looked at him all weird and said: "What the hell are you talking about?" His mom noticed yesterday while she was watching her that her two bottom teeth were starting to pop up! His mom was waiting for us to find them but was too excited. I was thrilled! She didn't really let us in there too much or too long (sore and all) but there they were. Sharp little suckers too. My baby is growing up...sigh. When they come in I will be sure to post some pics. So we decided it was time to move her to stage 3 baby foods. They are chunkier...made for big girls :( She loves it. That and those puffs and yogurt melts. She gets all excited and makes the funniest noises. I love that kid.

Anywho, I hadn't blogged in awhile so I thought I'd get on here and bore you some more. :D

Here I go again!

While I was pregnant, I ate what I wanted. This meant anything sweet. Cookies and ice cream were favorites but I didn't discriminate. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and thought, "I'll think about it after I have her." Well, fast forward 8 months (on Saturday) and after is here. Actually, it's like after, after. I am at my pre-preggo weight which is not to be confused with my pre-pre-preggo weight. Let me explain: Joe and I were trying to get pregnant to no avail. After the third unsuccessful month (not too long, I know, but felt like forever to us: sperm+ egg= baby right?) Bestie Jenn suggested that maybe I was exercising too hard and that I might want to consider toning it down. So I did, but I went to the extreme and just quit so I gained a few pounds. The next month I got pregnant. Bella thanks you for that by the way Jenn :) Anywho, the point is this: I did lose the weight without really trying. I hope to god that doesn't sound like boasting because I know that I got lucky and totally appreciate it. I eat ok,not too much junk and sporadically exercise. I just never got motivated. Til yesterday.

Yesterday I got up and a few hours into my day decided that I wanted to do my 30-day Shred tape. This is how it usually starts. I get a wild hair up my butt, exercise for a day or two along with eating better and then I fizz out. As I was exercising (in my sports bra and work out pants, ahh!) and in plank pose, my eyes happened to wander down to my belly. Holy.Crap. There it was in all it's stretched out glory. It was on from then. I decided right then and there that my belly was on it's way out. Along with all the other weight that decided to settle in places it wasn't invited to, how rude right? I am officially on a diet and will be exercising 6 days a week with one rest day (Sunday). My goal is to be nice and fit by Bella's first birthday in July. I can do it....right? I'll post in here how I'm doing. Maybe that will also keep me motivated.

Summertime here I come!

Bella's Rough Day

Bella Boo had a rough day yesterday. She woke up just miserable. Crusty, green boogie nose, barking cough that every time she coughed she cried because it hurt, so congested in her chest a fever of 100.8 and her voice was so raspy she could hardly cry. Luckily, I had made her a Dr. appointment the day before to make sure her ear infection was gone. So off to the Doctor we went. After waiting a bit and unable to convince Bella to eat her second bottle, the Doc came in and checked her out. He came to this conclusion: Bella had a head cold and croup. And there really isn't anything we can do about it except try to keep her comfortable. Ok, I can do that and that's what we did. She slept for awhile and ate her whole bottle when she got up. She seemed in good spirits , so we played for awhile. She can now pull herself up and was holding onto the couch when she fell. Right on her face. She howled and I picked her up and tried to comfort her. Joe went to get the mail and I looked at the clock and realized she needed to eat again. I put her down and walked into the kitchen to make her a bottle. She was still crying and started crying even harder and crawled towards me. I scooped her her up and said "it's ok, I'll hold you and make your bottle baby." She continued to sob as I made the bottle. I looked down and there was blood running down her face, covering her chin. I. freaked. out. I yelled for Joe to get his butt in the house and he came running through the door. I told him to get me wipes, then a rag as I tried to clean off the blood and see where it was coming from. Bella was screaming and throwing her head back so we couldn't see anything. I'm trying to hold myself together, be the mom, not cry but man it was hard. Joe called his sister who's a nurse who suggested we let Bella calm down and then try to look again in a few minutes. That kinda worked and we briefly saw that there was a small gash on the inside of her top lip where that thingy attaches your lip to your gums. We also called the dr. and he said to watch it but if it had already stopped bleeding then it would be fine. Mouths heal very fast. She had a bottle after that and knocked out from all the drama. I was wiped too. I had blood on me, Bella had blood on her pj's and while i was cleaning up, I saw her binky covered in blood.
Later that night, I steamed up the bathroom and gave her a bath for 15-20 minutes.Then, I rubbed her in with Baby Vicks, gave her baby motrin, feed her her bottle and put her to bed with her humidifier on. She woke up a few times last night and at 6 am (an hour earlier then usual) she was hysterical and wanted up. She's a bit better though, so I'm glad. I hope this passes soon, the dr. said 2-4 days. Poor kid.

On the Move

Move the furniture, move the stuff on the table, and keep your eye on the baby! Bella has done it! My daughter is now a crawler...(insert scary music here) lol Joe called me on Wednesday and informed me of the new trick that she had learned. We thought it was going to be soon, as she had just started to scooch around on her belly to get places. She looks so cute doing it too. She's like a high stepping horse with her arms all stiff and high when she gets going, I love it. She also pulls herself up...using me, Joe, the couch, whatever neccessary to get up on those feet. I have a big ass smile on my face as I watch her do all this new stuff but at the same time I wonder where my baby went? I know she's still a baby but not like she was. It's just gone by so fast. It's been wonderful but too fast! I was holding an 8 day old baby on Saturday night and just couldn't fathom that Bella was ever that small. It seemed impossible. That's why I just enjoy her as much as possible because I know that I will never get this time back. The naps together on the couch, the discovery of her little feet and hands, her first real laugh...they are all priceless memories that I will cherish forever. I guess it just makes me sad that instead of living them, I will be looking at videos, pictures, or just my own thoughts and she will be all grown up before I know it. I swear I blinked and she's 7 1/2 months old. But I don't think that wat too often, gotta live in the moment right? Right!

Anywho, new subject. I.Hate.Daylight.Savings. Losing an hour of sleep just sucks. It ain't right, I tell you, to mess with my sleep. I was exhausted yesterday (maybe that also had something to do with being hungover but still hehe). And this morning? It was still dark when I got up! How rude! I know in a week I'll be fine but I still hate it. Curses to you daylight savings time, curses!

Another new subject:We went to Bestie Geana's adorable daughter Tessa's first birthday on Saturday and had such a good time. I haven't seen Bestie G since Bestie Jenn's beautiful wedding back in October nor had I seen her all preggo or had we seen her hubby since her first baby shower last February so needless to say, I was so excited. It was a Hello Kitty theme and it was a gorgeous, gorgeous day. Good food, great friends, best day in awhile. Tessa really loved her delish cake and got an incredible amount of gifts, that girl is set for toys and clothes for a long time. It was so awesome to get to see them and my other friends and just chat, laugh , and enjoy the day. We got the UFC fight later, so we got to spend some extra time with them and my other two Besties (Lisa and Jenn) so that was great. I got a bit tipsy after putting Bella Boo to bed and was not feeling to great yesterday but I regret nothing :) I recovered yesterday (Bella and I lounged around the house) and then met up with Geana and fam later on that night. It went later then I had imagined earlier in the day but I didn't care. I wanted to spend as much time as possible with G.

It was a fabulous weekend but I am utterly exhauasted and could use a nice, long nap.

The past fews days...

Have been horrible....except for yesterday which I will get to in a bit. Wednesday I was totally fine, not a cough or a sniffle to be heard. I go to bed that night and am hit with the worst body aches I have ever had (from a sickness, labor was way worse). I.could.not.sleep.for.shit. Every part of me ached and finding a comfortable position was impossible. I spent Thursday in bed, watching movies between drug induced naps. I <3 dayquil. Friday, I moved to the couch some, it was a nice change of scenery and thats when some coughing/goose honking started. Saturday, I felt a bit better even though my head was now the victim of a large ball rolling around in it whenever I looked up, down or turned it side to side. We went to Target and that wore me out...I took a loooong and much needed siesta. Joe, bless his little heart, took care of me and Bella like a champ.

Sunday: I was so glad to be feeling better because Bella and I had a big day planned. We went down to Griffith Park in L.A. to have a playdate with Matt and Maddy and a few of the other blog readers. Now this is not something I would normally do. I don't hop right into going places alone to meet people I haven't actually met in "real life"...I get shy in those situations and even though I may want to go (badly) I end up backing out if I don't have a buddy to take with me. This time, I decided that was not going to happen. I was going NO MATTER WHAT. Bestie Jenn couldn't make it down and the hubby had other plans so Bella and I were on our own. We left a bit early to give us plenty of time to get lost (which we did) and find our people. I was nervous because for about 20 minutes, I saw no one that looked familiar. I only knew what Matt, Maddy and Alaina (ms.singlemama) looked like from the blog and I wasn't seeing anyone who looked like them. I was so bummed and afraid that I was going to miss the play-date. Luckily, a couple saw me aimlessly wandering and came to my aid. They too were waiting for Matt and Maddy. We decided after Bella's lunch we'd go look together. And what do you know? We found 'em! It was so SO awesome to finally meet Matt and Maddy (and ms.singlemama and her son Benjamin). Matt is such a funny, cool, and sweet guy and Maddy was just adorable. I just think he is amazing and what he has been doing for others is incredible. I will put up the pics soon. I also met many other fabulous people that I sincerely hope turn into friendships. Bella loved playing with all the other kids, she even shared her toys...err, kinda. I was only supposed to be there til 5:30 pm but ended up staying til almost 6:30 pm (which freaked the hubby out seeing as how he wasn't able to reach me, eek) when it got dark and we all decided that even though we didnt want it to, the playdate was over. It was a great day and a super fun experience for both Bella and I. I can't wait to do it again.

My poor baby

Bella has a slight ear infection. She never once pulled at her ears, I had no clue, I feel so bad. As a mom, you feel like you should know these things. I didn't. No wonder she is cranky! Yesterday was rough, she was really unhappy and was letting her mama know. Not only did she have the ear infection, she also got her second dose of the flu shot. I couldn't do anything for her and I think that is what frustrated me the most. Joe was in a meeting most of the day so we were on our own. My poor baby. I felt guilty but I was in such a need of a break, that I sat her down with some toys (still screaming) and went into our bedroom and threw myself on the bed and laid there in the dark. I needed to gather my wits and my sanity. Don't worry, I was only gone for 30 seconds tops, don't call child services on me. I also ate a bunch of cookies....those helped me too. heehee The dr. gave use some antibiotics so I'm hoping that my Bella Boo gets some relief pretty soon. I'm also glad that there was a reason she was acting so crabby and that this wasn't just her new personality, that would suck. We have a follow up appointment next week to make sure she's getting better. Get well sweetie!

Hi there

It's been a week...missed me? No? Are you sure? I'm so interesting. LOL Not a whole lot going down in my neck of the woods.

Bella (my normally smiley baby) is a Cranky McCrankster and it's slowly driving Joe and I a bit nutty. We took turns last night, he had her for 20 minutes then it was my turn. We were even in separate rooms. It's gotten that bad. She doesn't want to be alone..."alone" to her is being in the same room with us, just not being held. And even when being held or played with, said baby is crying and squirmy unless you let her drink your water or destroy the tv remote. Everyone asks, is she teething? I have no freaking idea. I don't see any teeth, swollen gums or anything else that would indicate teething. Her drooling is actually less then it was two months ago. She doesn't seem sick. I'm stumped. Good thing we have a Dr. appt. tomorrow, I'll pick his brain. And god bless all of the mamas out there who's babies had/have colic and are still standing...you rock. Love this kid either way but I want my Bella Boo back.

Work is work. Same ole same ole. Happy to still have a job though, it's getting super rough out there. Our house situation is a bit rocky again but we're trying to stay positive. I have my moments but in the end, I try to be thankful for all that I do have and it makes it a bit easier to get outta the sad/mad/scared/wtf times.

On a super happy, excited note: On March 1st I am going to meet Matt and Maddy! I read that blog everyday (www.mattlogelin.com) , have been so touched and am unbelievably stoked that this "play date" has been set up. Everyone's invited! Except Jerks and Baby stealer's (Matt's stipulations, not mine heehee). I have a feeling that it's going to be quite the event. I may not even get to meet them even being there in person. lol I am hope, hope, hoping that Bestie Jenn can come with me and Bella. She is the one who sent me the link to this amazing blog.

Anywho, that's all I got for now. I swear I'm trying to blog more often! <3

PS

Please ignore the red eyes and the menacing look...Wii fishing is hard! LOL

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

26 years ago today, Joseph Louis Hullings arrived in Montclair,CA. He weighed about 5 1/2 lbs. which if you know him today, makes sense :) I have no idea how long he was or how long his mom was in labor, but I think I will call her today and tell her thank you. Thank you for bringing my soul mate into the world, for giving him the life that ultimately led him to me. He is my best friend, my partner in crime, my lover, my rock, the father of my child...my everything. I can't even imagine a life without him in it. Can't imagine a morning where I don't see his skinny butt bobbing his head, singing whatever little ditty got stuck in his brain that morning (or whatever he made up) or hearing "I will crush your eyeball" or getting attacked when the commercials come on from whatever show we are watching. I'm a lucky, lucky girl and even when this man is bugging the crap outta me, I smile (maybe not right away) and am amzed at my good fortune. He is kind, he cooks, he cleans, he is so un-selfish, he is exactly my flavor of dork, easy going, he is funny and he is mine. Joe and I got together a few monts before his 17th birthday...I remember what I got him too: A pair of Etnies (very popular when we were in HS). I have almost had 10 birthdays with him and yet, I was still so excited to give him his gift, just like all the years before. The plotting and planning and hiding....to see his face when he opened the bag to see the autographed football he wanted and I saved for was the best. Anywho, the whole reason to this post was to wish my husband, the best 26th birthday ever. Love you babe! *MUAH*

P.S.

Bestie Lisa is having a....BOY! I was wrong but am so super excited for her and her hubby! Bring on the nephews, yippee!

Randomness

I miss my husband. How long has he been gone? I dropped his cute behind off at LAX yesterday morning at 7:30 am. Now, don't get me wrong, I like some alone time..well, not exactly alone seeing as Bella is around, but I don't like going to sleep alone. It's scary and lonely, so thank goodness I only have one or two more nights cuz I am not a fan. He used to be gone a lot more when he was working for W.W. and although I didn't like it, I was kinda used to it. But since they went under, he has been home wayyyy more and now I'm used to that. Le sigh haha I don't know how the military wives do it, or other wives whose husband's jobs take them away for weeks, months, years. Hats off to them...seriously.

In other news, Bella, if she quits overthinking it and starts to like the rug burn, seems like she will be crawling soon. If she had it her way and her chunky legs were strong enough, I think she's skip the crawling and go to walking. She hasn't been advanced developmentally in the physical area except holding her head up and sitting up so it may be the normal time frame for all that. She kinda gets in a frog squat and then flops over and cusses you out in baby language (at least thats what it sounds like!). She has also learned to scream...great lol She also yells at me when I don't get her food into her mouth as fast as she wants it....oh the power struggles to come. Here's a cute new pic of our little monster for you to enjoy. <3

My friend

Wow, two posts in one day? Look at me. This post is not as light hearted as the others but it's important to me nonetheless. 11 years ago today, I lost a dear friend. It was my first real experience with death with someone my age. I dated a boy when I was in 7th grade and he was in 8th. His name was Jeff Wilson. He was tall, skinny, had blone hair, blue eyes and loved Stars Wars. He was a nice guy but as you know, those middle school relationships don't last long and we broke up. We lost contact for a few months. him being in high school now and me still in 8th grade but somehow we ended up at the same youth group that December. We reconnected and started talking as friends for a few months. February 5, 1998 I went to school, went to choir practice, came home and was actually waiting for him to call me like he said he would. Instead, I got a phone call from another friend who said that Jeff Wilson was dead. He has been hit by a car on his dirt bike and had not survived. I was devastated and at first I was in denial, but it was true, my friend was gone. The next day at school was a somber one. Many students were pale and red eyed as they tried to make sense of this tragedy. How could Jeff be dead? He's just a kid, a year older then us. His funeral was 10 days later and it was packed. It was my first funeral and I'll never forget it. I can still see him laying there, like he was sleeping, he looked so good, so peaceful. My sister went with me and she had nightmares for a few nights after. Death is scary. His mother was married in that church 4 days later, I helped serve food. Later the man she married, a friend's grandpa, died and his funeral was in that same church. I hate that church. I miss my friend. Rest in Peace Jeff. Love ya.

A Joe story

I heard a rumor that I suck at blogging....LOL It's funny cuz it's true. So I am going to try and stay on top on this thing and update it more regularly even if I think that what I'm writing is super uninteresting to anyone but myself :) I have decided to share with you all a story about a man, a man named Joe. Joe, if you recall is my hubby, and he is ridiculously funny when he drinks. Over this past weekend it was the Superbowl. I only like Superbowl for two reasons: 1. It means the end of football for a few glorious months. 2. The food at the parties is delicious. We went to a party at Joe's friend's cousin's house. There were lots of his old friends, many kids and yummy treats. Joe got liquored up over the course of a few hours and he had a blast. He ended up giving a public service announcement to his friend's younger brother about smoking...for 15 minutes...while he held onto his neck and heas very close to his face. The poor kid was trying so hard to crack up. After all the fun, it was time to get my lil party man home. We got home, I got Bella ready for and into bed. Joe had disappeared. I go into the bedroom and he is fully dressed and passed out on the bed....it was 8:15 pm. Guess I'm on my own for awhile. I watched tv for a bit, not ready to sleep just yet and after awhile I decide to take a shower. I go into our room and I hear "77777." Huh? I started laughing and said, "What are you talking about?" Joe smacked his lips like he was anticipating something delicious and says "I will crush your face." Now he says this to me all the time so i thought he was awake so I said " You were talking about 7777." He said in a very matter of fact, duh voice " That's how much they charge me!" And then nothing. This whole discussion took place without his eyes opening once. Sigh, I love him...he's so entertaining.

Babies, Babies, Babies

As I mentioned in a previous post, I am going to be an auntie to a little girl in June....whelp, not anymore. Hailey Kay is actually a HE. What?! I am as shocked as you are. My sis had an ultrasound appointment last week and called to tell me that Hailey "grew a weenie." Being the jokester that she is, I immediately called her out on her lil joke. A lot of no ways, liar, and you swears later, I am indeed having a nephew, Blake Robert to be exact. And you know what? It feels right. I was super happy about a niece but I really thought she was having a boy and it turns out that I was right. I guessed correctly about sister's best friend, my sis and my bestie Geana. So I am sticking to my guess that Bestie Lisa (Bestie Geana's twin) is having a girl. She'll be finding out on Feb. 5th so we shall see!

Oh! I also found out that my little bro is expecting with his GF Clarissa! She's due September 25th. My guess is a girl for them as well seeing as how badly my bro wants a boy..heehee Excuse me, my wallet just had a heart attack...LOL I'm super happy about all the babies and although times are a bit hard financially speaking, it'll all work out and I'll help get these babies all kitted out so they have all that they need to get on out here. I thought that last year was the year of babies but this year has even more, yay!

I have a six month old....seriously??

This went by way too fast!

I had this whole post that keeps getting deleted so I will just leave it at this:

Happy Six Month Birthday Bella! *MUAH*

The Liz Logelin Foundation

Bestie Jenn e-mailed me a link to a blog last month and it has really, really touched me. I would like to pass it on to anyone who reads my blog. It's a sad one and will make you cry but it is also very inspiring. I added a widget on my page, The Liz Logelin Foundation, that you will understand once you have read the blog. Please add it/ donate/pass it on. This guy is amazing. He is someone who makes me believe that there are still good people in this world. Here's the link to his blog: http://www.mattlogelin.com/
I honestly didn't expect to get as drawn in and invovled as I have but I think about these two almost every day. I am glued to my computer screen reading about the day to day things they do and all the feelings that go along with this tragic situation. It makes me go home and kiss my husband a lil more and be so thankful for all that I have in my life. It leaves me with a desire to be a better person, to help others. I hope it does for you too.

The Hubby

Soooo, since I have learned a new trick (posting pictures) I have decided to introduce you to the last (but certainly not the least) member of my lil familia. That's my husband Joe, Me and Bella on Christmas Day 2008. Bella didn't feel like looking at the camera but I love this picture anway. The Hubster is 25 going on 26 in February and is the best husband a girl could ever have. Cook? Clean? Take care of Bella? Kind? Thoughtful? Funny? Yup! He's all those things and so much more. I don't know what I'd do without him.

I'm still alive, I swear!

Yes, I know, I suck at this like the time I tried to give myself these cute beachy waves I saw in a magazine and ended up looking like a deranged Shirley Temple (note: I do believe my Nana almost fell off her chair laughing at me, jerk). Where have I been? I have no idea. I mean, I've been busy but the holidays are over and things have calmed down. Well, they have calmed down a little bit anyway.

Anywho, I was reading Bestie Jenn's SIL's blog (so funny, love those kids) and noticed that I had been tagged to post my fourth picture in my picture file. Seeing as how I am at work and have no idea how to post a pic, let's see how this works out, shall we? OK, so it posted above what I'm writing lol at least I figured it out. This is my daughter Bella. Bestie Jenn took this picture a month or so ago at my house. It's one of my favorites. Bestie Jenn has talent. I am so proud of myself for figuring this out on my own lol I will be posting a lot more pics now. I am now tagging (cuz those are the rules) : Brenda, Katie, Jenn and Brandy.

Bestie Jenn just started the 30 day shred...I also bought the video and need to get on it! This post-baby mush will not tone itself! Come on motivation!