Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Loss

Three years ago today, my Papa. He was so kind, selfless and funny. He gave and gave even when he didn't have anything left to give. Generous and loving from his head to his toes. Anything to make the people he loved happy. He loved my Nana more then I've ever seen someone love another human being. So when she died on December 10, 2005 he couldn't live without her. He got sick two weeks later, was in the hospital one month later, in the ICU a month after that and in and out of the hospital the next few months and a final ICU stay a few days before we brought him home to die. He made himself live til after my wedding and my honeymoon and then my sister's birthday. He walked (with my father on the other arm) me down the aisle and gave me away. In May, he decided he didn't want to be in the hospital where the IV meds he was being given could only be given to him there, in the ICU. I think he thought he had more time then he really had. He came home on a Tuesday and died in his sleep around 2 am that Saturday as I slept on the couch across from his hospital bed that the home hospice people provided.

I remember being sad but I also remember being relieved. He had been in so much pain, so scared and hardly able to breathe, confined to the downstairs couch for months. He missed my Nana so much he could hardly stand it. Now they are together and that makes me smile even though I wish they were together, here, with me and my family.

I have a picture of me sitting on his lap with a book. He's wearing mickey mouse ears and I'm in footie pajamas.. I think I'm 2-3 years old. I gave it to him the Christmas right after my Nana died, the most painful Christmas I've ever experienced. That picture now sits on my daughter's book case in her room. One day I will tell her all the wonderful things about her great-grandparents and I will raise her the way they raised me. Instill in her the values and morals that they instilled in me. She will know them.

I also lost another beloved family member on this day last year: My Great-Grandma Rich, my Nana's mother. She was 93 years old and still out there with her boyfriend Milo, singing and dancing at the "old folks" home. She got sick with what they thought was pneumonia at first and then discovered it was cancer. She was hospitalized then moved to a hospice where she died a few days after me (and Bella in utero), Joe and my sister visited her. It happened so fast (within a few weeks), it stunned us all, especially Milo. They had been together for over 20 years. She was his life and it broke my heart to see him lose her. She was so funny and talented. She was very into her appearance so we had to put her makeup on when we visited her and again when she passed away. She asked us the first time and we knew she'd have it no other way after she died. I miss her very much. I brought her a 3-D ultrasound pic of Bella and she cried. She put her hand on my swollen belly and cried. She knew she wouldn't get to meet her. But Bella will know her just like her great-parents.

I try not to be sad but it's hard some days. It will just hit me that they are all gone and it takes my breath away. That I can't just drive over to see them or pick up the phone to talk to them. To know that Bella will never meet them absolutely breaks my heart. Some times I feel like I'm not whole. But I know that, one day, we'll be together again and that they are watching over us.

R.I.P Jeri (Papa) Tiley and Wilma (Great-Grandma) Rich. We miss you so very much.

Trying to catch up

Ok, ok, it's official: I suck at blogging. It's been almost a month since I last posted....bad Tricia. No reason really...I've been a bit busy: I blog at work because at home I don't have the time unless Bella is sleeping and then I have to catch up on all the other things I need to do, like watch my recorded General Hospitals, ahem, I mean do laundry and clean the house. So this poor blog gets neglected and I get instant messages from my little sister harassing me about my inability to keep this thing updated. Jerk. :D

So what's been going on this past month? Why, I'd love to fill you in!

Chrissy-poo and fam were here from March 26th to May 13th. I finally got to meet Hanna-poo and Chrissy got to meet Bella. It was so awesome! Hanna is even more beautiful in person. I tried to spend as much time as possible with them. We went to the San Diego Zoo with the kids and the hubbies and had a great time. I wish they didn't have to go back but I know they will be back home for good soon and I can't wait!

Bella: Growing like a weed. She had a dr. appointment on the 12th of May and is 18.9 pounds and 29 inches tall. Good lord that child is long! Doc says that she is still a bit tall for her age and that she is super healthy. Exactly what I like to hear. Bella took her first steps on April 27th! She took them for my mother-in-law (another reason it kills me to have to go to work but those are my issues) and then delightedly repeatedly them for Joe and I. She's getting more and more confident and I think she'll be walking or running around soon. Good thing we got that baby jail! She's trying to say annie, our dog's name and has several meanings for "BA!" Her book, her bottle and her ball. But you always know which one she wants. She amazes me with how smart she is. You can ask her "Bella, where is the big, red doggie?" And she will go and get her Clifford the Big Red Dog book and thump it. Unless you're at Bestie Jenn's, then she makes you look like a liar. She has the best personality and thinks that everyone is her friend. Don't take her anywhere if you want it to be quick. She says hi to everyone. Love her. Bella also likes to bite my feet and can hardly get her mouth on my foot before she dissolves in hysterical laughter. I made the mistake of squealing in surprise the first time she did it so she tries to do it all the time. Crazy kid.

My sister had her baby shower and it went really well if I do say so myself. They are really loved by so many amazing people and were given so many great gifts. I was so happy and am so grateful to everyone. We played some games, ate yummy food and just chit chatted with friends and family, all there to celebrate my nephew's impending arrival. Speaking of that: My sis was given a date to induce, June 7th, 2009 but we're all hoping (esp. her) that he comes sooner. I can't wait to meet my nephew! Little sister also turned 23 on the 12th and got engaged! I'm so happy for her!

My little brother found out he's having a little boy and is thrilled beyond belief. Ryder Joshua is his name and I can't believe I'm going to have 2 more nephews this year! I say 2 more because two of my bestie's are having boys too!

Actually, one bestie had her baby early! Russell Gunner (Mr. Gunn as I like to call him) was born on April 29th, 2009 (the day before her and her twin sister's 25th birthday) after 4 1/2 hours of labor and 10 minutes of pushing...don't you want to punch her?? She's so having my next baby. Mama and baby are great and gorgeous. I'm anxious to meet the lil fella.

I fell off the diet wagon right after my pat myself on the back post went up but luckily I haven't gained too much of the 3 poundies back. I'm trying to jog on my days off but it's so goddamn hot that I have to do it super early or melt like the wicked witch. So my happy ass is up at 5:30 am, huffin and puffin around my neighborhood after I have spent ten minutes convincing myself to get up. I've gone twice...I need new shoes, my old ones are so not working for me anymore. But I actually enjoy myself. It's really peaceful. The sun isn't up and there aren't a lot of people driving around. It's the only way to get the belly pooch off but I really love sleep. We'll see how this goes.

My nephew baby B turned 1 on the 11th and so did Miss Kennedy! I didn't make it to her birthday party on the 9th but heard is was a nice day. Baby B had his party the same day and we all went to Chuck E Cheese. I hadn't been there in so long, that place is really expensive! After a few hours there, we went back to grandma and grandpa's for swimming, cake and presents. Bella fell out of the pool and we both cried but she was ok. Baby B had a great birthday. I can't believe he's 1 already!

Bestie Jenn's niece turned 1 on Monday, so a happy birthday shout out is in order: Happy Birthday Zoey! All these babies turning one so fast, including Bella Boo who's birthday is coming up so fast I can hardly stand it.

We went and saw Bestie Jenn and her hubby last Saturday and that was nice. They made us lunch and Jenn and I went to our favorite place, Target, and wandered around happily for an hour. It's nice to be out without a baby sometimes. Especially if I am out with someone so great. :)

Oh! I learned something very important that Saturday night: DO NOT DRINK BARTELS & JAMES WINECOOLERS!!! Some things are best left in high school. Ick.

Ok, I mostly caught up...I think. If I missed anyone or anything, I apologize....my brain was being nice letting me remember this much. xoxoxo

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Shopping

Yesterday Bella and I went shopping. This is not unusual. I love, love, LOVE to shop, to spend money, buying stuff rocks. What's unusual is that we went to the Moreno Valley Mall and that I bought a bathing suit that I love and feel so good in. I used to go to the Mo.Val Mall all the time when I lived in good ole Perris but after moving to Sun City and then Menifee, Temecula is so much closer and (at the time) so much nicer. Now Temecula is still super nice but I was pleasantly surprised to see that Mo.Val is comin' up. I had been there two weeks before with Chrissy-poo and fam but wasn't paying too much attention. I mean, I noticed it was nicer but I am not very observant these days. Bella and I got there before it opened so we took a quick tour while we waited. It looked really nice and had a bunch of new stores including the best mall shoe store I've seen in awhile. I'm going to be visiting there often I'm sure. Anywho, Victoria Secret finally opened and we went in to investigate the bathing suits. Now, I don't even like shopping for suits when I'm in shape so I was definitely dreading the post-baby trying on. I had been on a diet but as usual, I fell off the wagon. I didn't even attempt a two piece. Instead I opted for a one piece that covered the danger zone (middle of my tummy) but was open in the back and on the sides. Stylish and bit sexy, not frumpy old lady one piece. I grabbed a few sizes and styles and headed back to the fitting rooms, Bella in tow. Best fitting rooms I have ever been in! Big enough that Bella in her stroller could come in and I still had plenty of room and the soft lighting was fabulous! I think I will go try all my clothes on there. I tried on the first suit, so not cute and it made me not want to try on the second. But it was a different style so I made myself. It was great! In no way did I look like Adrianna Lima but I was happy and felt confident. My sister-in-law gave me a gift card that she wasn't going to use the rest of and I had a coupon for 10 bucks off so my lovely bathing suit was....drum roll please...$14.52! AND I got a free tote bag!

A cute, flattering, affordable new bathing suit and a free tote bag? Awesome.

Bella enjoyed her mall trip, getting a teething biscuit all over herself and her dress. It was gross looking and I had a hell of a time cleaning her up but it was her 9 month birthday and she was happy so whatever.

I am busy, busy getting ready for my little sister's baby shower this Saturday. I need to clean, make that scrub the dirtball I call my house, shop for a few last minute items and food and then I'll be ready. I can't wait, it's pirate themed and it's going to be super fun! Arg!

Monday, April 13, 2009

O, O, O!

Check out Matt and Maddy on Oprah today!

Birthday Parties, Easter and More

This weekend was really fun. On Saturday we went down to meet our new friend's Matt and Maddy for Maddy's first birthday party in Los Angeles. I have been looking forward to this since our play date at Griffith Park. Not only to see Matt and Maddy again, but also to see some of the other parents and kids that we met that day. We had such a great time. Talking, laughing, eating and watching Maddy cover herself and any one near her in cake and cupcake frosting. Matt ended up looking like swamp thing with all the green icing on his face courtesy of Maddy, it was awesome. Maddy even had cake on her butt...that's skill people. Bella really wanted some cake but Joe and I decided that we want her first taste of sugary goodness to be on her first birthday, with her own cake. I know, we're mean, whatever. But she enjoyed watching Maddy fling cake everywhere and I think she got some good ideas. Note to self: Let Joe hold Bella while she eats her cake...insert evil laugh here. We even got some pictures with Matt's awesome fortune telling robot but I am at work and my camera is at home and I suck at posting pictures even more then I suck a posting new entries on this thing. But hopefully I will remember to put up a few pictures for your viewing pleasure. We stayed for awhile and would have stayed longer but we ran out of bottles (Joe packed the food) so we had to call it a night and head back. I can't say it enough about how cool and nice that Matt is and his family and all the people we met there..some for the first time, others the second. I can't wait to get together again.

Sunday was Easter and we headed over to Joe's grandparent's house for the usual family get together. Yummy food, family time and an egg fight. Egg fight? It's not what it sounds like. Every person puts in 3 bucks and chooses a hard boiled egg from the basket (decorated by Oma with color pencil drawings, classic!). After the money has been collected and weapons chosen, the "fight" begins. Each person finds a partner and hits their egg (using the dull side, not the pointy) with the other person's egg. The person who's egg cracks, loses and the one who's egg did not moves on to the next round. It goes that way til their is only one egg left and the owner of super egg wins all the money. I did not win. I almost won last year. Joe's Opa and his twin cousins are good at this game and one of them wins ever year. I smell a cheater. Opa won this year and promised his winnings to one of the twins. It was a good pot too...65 smackers. I was sad to see go. I got a lil sunburned but the weather was so nice that I don't mind. Bella's Grandma made her a great Easter basket, Auntie Loekie bought her her adorable Easter dress, her Auntie Ginger and Uncle Tony got her a singing rabbit and we got her a cool toy. She also had her very first egg hunt. She picked up the eggs and even dropped each one into the basket! Sigh...someone is growing up.

We had a few drama moments this weekend but it seems that they have passed. All in all our weekend was filled with fun things and great people. I hope yours was too!

I got sad on Saturday, thinking about a two people who should have been at Maddy's party: Maddy's mom Liz and Maddy's buddy Maddie. But I think that they were there in spirit, singing and laughing right along with us. Maddie's service is tomorrow and I'm going to go and give my love and support to the Spohrs and their family. It's going to be a tough day. Please add them to your prayers.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Heartbreaking

Today is my three year wedding anniversary but that's not what I'm going to write about. I can't, it's not where my mind is at this moment.
I wrote about a play date that I went to last month, the great time I had, the great people I met. One person was a woman named Heather and her daughter, 15 month old Madeline. We chatted, the kids played, she let me follow her from the play date to the freeway so I would get home and not end up in lord knows where. We had exchanged e-mail addresses and blog sites and began to talk a bit. I really like her. She's smart and funny...her blog cracks me up. And Maddie, well that little beauty has the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen and a great smile to top it all off. Maddie was premature so when we met her, she actually weighed a lil less then Bella did but that's pretty normal I've heard. Anywho, reading blogs (hers included) is part of my morning routine but I didn't get on yesterday because I was out and about with friends. I got on this morning and the page loaded where all the updates are of the blogs I read and I see the first part of a post on Heather's blog and it was a friend posting...Maddie had gotten sick (there was a post from Monday afternoon that I didn't see) and had passed away yesterday. I couldn't believe it. I kept trying to refresh my page and was getting so angry that it was taking forever, I threw my mouse. I just knew I had read it wrong. God how I wish that was true. I am utterly heartbroken for her and her family. Parents aren't supposed to bury their children, it's not right. I know Death happens everyday but when a child dies...I have no words to express the sorrow and anguish that that must feel like. I'm not going to say that I understand because in no way do I, but my heart still aches for her. I am a mother and the thought of losing Bella makes me sick, physically ill. I can't seem to concentrate today, my thoughts as well as my prayers are with the Spohrs today and will be for awhile. I ask that whoever reads this, please keep them in your prayers for awhile. Pray that they are given the strength to go through this tragedy, that they can come out in one piece although they will go to pieces many times throughout... that somehow/someday they find peace. Her site is down, I'm sure because of so many going to the page but it's on my blogs that I follow: thespohrsaremultiplying.com. They are big advocates for the March of Dimes (a very worthwhile cause) and have asked for donations to them in lieu of flowers. If you can, that would be fabulous but the prayers are just as good. R.I.P. Madeline Alice Spohr It was a pleasure to have met you little one...you will be missed.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Workin' Out and New Arrivals for Bella

I've done it! I have stuck to my diet and exercise plan and get this: I lost 3 lbs! I am officially back at my pre-pre-pregnancy weight! I couldn't believe my eyes when I looked down (warily and hopefully) at the scale on Tuesday. I weighed myself three times just to be sure. I highly doubt that I will lose 3 lbs every week but I must say that seeing that really helped keep me motivated. It was my pat on the back, great job, keep it up. So I have and I will. I still have a long road ahead. Yes, the weight is gone but the mush is not. It's time to tone, tone, tone! You here me poochy belly? Love handles? Don't even get me started on you thighs! You're all going down and firmin' up! Ok, enough about me and my body fights. :)

Bella has some new accessories! Joe came into our bathroom where I was getting ready last Saturday, carrying Bella Boo and said: "My mom called and said spring has sprung for Bella." I looked at him all weird and said: "What the hell are you talking about?" His mom noticed yesterday while she was watching her that her two bottom teeth were starting to pop up! His mom was waiting for us to find them but was too excited. I was thrilled! She didn't really let us in there too much or too long (sore and all) but there they were. Sharp little suckers too. My baby is growing up...sigh. When they come in I will be sure to post some pics. So we decided it was time to move her to stage 3 baby foods. They are chunkier...made for big girls :( She loves it. That and those puffs and yogurt melts. She gets all excited and makes the funniest noises. I love that kid.

Anywho, I hadn't blogged in awhile so I thought I'd get on here and bore you some more. :D