1. I like the smell of odd things: gasoline, shoes stores, the mall, etc.
2. Confrontation makes me very anxious.
3. I read in the bath tub and while I eat (not at the table though, only when at work or if I get to eat on the couch which brings me to number 4).
4. I love eating on the couch.
5. I love to go out to eat.
6. Ok, I just love to eat.
7. I will never turn down a cookie. I don't think it's humanly possible for me.
8.I love to have my nails painted. I feel fancy and can't stop looking at them.
9. I hate my skin.
10. I hate liars, people who are passive-aggressive and people who stand too close to me in lines.
11. I used to hate coffee and now do not know how I ever lived without it.
12. I also do not know how I lived without my tongue scraper for after I brush my teeth. If you don't have one, I suggest, no I demand, you go to Target NOW.
13. I want to make out with the man or woman who came up with epidurals during labor.
14. I love the soap opera, ahem, Daytime Drama General Hospital.
15. I will whoop your ass at Wii bowling.
16. I am highly insecure and care way too much about what other people think.
17. I am a fabulous dancer. Especially while drinking.
18. Speaking of drinking, I am a light-weight-can't-hold-my liquor-for-shit-girl. Plus? I am cheap date!
19. I love my family and friends fiercely. I may hate confrontation but if you fuck with them...just don't.
20. If I could stand blood and all that other icky stuff and was good at math and science, I'd be a labor and delivery nurse.
21. I am deathly afraid of the Ferris Wheel.
22. I get carsick.
23. I can't stand touching cotton. It makes my teeth itch.
24. I loved being pregnant.
25. I married the best guy in the whole world and we have been together since I was 15. It will be 12 years in November. Holy shit.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Stupid Brain!
Is it just me or am I the only one who can never seem to think of things to blog about unless it's 2 o'clock in the morning? One second I am asleep and the next second, I'm thinking about shit, which leads to other shit and then I'm writing my blog in my head.
(Side Note: I am so random. I am known to be thinking of something and just start talking mid-thought to the frustration and amusement of my husband. My line of thinking is very long and it can often take awhile to explain how/why my thoughts came about. Ooooo, that could be a blog post!).
I cannot tell you how many funny/brilliant/thoughtful (in my humble opinion, seeing as how I'm like, the only person who reads this thing) posts I have thought up and pretty much mentally wrote in the middle of the freaking night. But when I get up? Gone. So gone that I can't even remember the topic I was thinking of to write about. It drives me cra-zay.
I like blogging. I like writing in general. It's a great outlet. Except when you can't remember what you wanted to get out. Then you sit and stare at the computer while your ass goes numb and somehow you just ate the whole box of pop tarts. And still, no words get typed.
So lucky you, if there is a you, you got to read this poor excuse for a post because it's all I've got.
You're welcome.
(Side Note: I am so random. I am known to be thinking of something and just start talking mid-thought to the frustration and amusement of my husband. My line of thinking is very long and it can often take awhile to explain how/why my thoughts came about. Ooooo, that could be a blog post!).
I cannot tell you how many funny/brilliant/thoughtful (in my humble opinion, seeing as how I'm like, the only person who reads this thing) posts I have thought up and pretty much mentally wrote in the middle of the freaking night. But when I get up? Gone. So gone that I can't even remember the topic I was thinking of to write about. It drives me cra-zay.
I like blogging. I like writing in general. It's a great outlet. Except when you can't remember what you wanted to get out. Then you sit and stare at the computer while your ass goes numb and somehow you just ate the whole box of pop tarts. And still, no words get typed.
So lucky you, if there is a you, you got to read this poor excuse for a post because it's all I've got.
You're welcome.
Friday, May 13, 2011
The Top 5 Things I Like to do Since I Became "Mom."
1. Drive in the car alone. In complete silence.
2. Sit at home on the couch alone. In complete silence.
3. Go to the bathroom alone. In complete silence.
4. Do my hair, make-up and/or brush my teeth alone. In complete silence.
5. Go to Target alone. In complete silence.
I'm sensing a theme here, no?
It's amazing how going pee all by myself without someone trying to wipe my "tutu" can make me so damn happy.
Note: I LOVE my kid and LOVE spending time with her. Mama needs her time too. I'm just sayin.
2. Sit at home on the couch alone. In complete silence.
3. Go to the bathroom alone. In complete silence.
4. Do my hair, make-up and/or brush my teeth alone. In complete silence.
5. Go to Target alone. In complete silence.
I'm sensing a theme here, no?
It's amazing how going pee all by myself without someone trying to wipe my "tutu" can make me so damn happy.
Note: I LOVE my kid and LOVE spending time with her. Mama needs her time too. I'm just sayin.
Monday, May 2, 2011
The Big "D" and Me.
Depression. My depression. I'm sitting here staring at those words, contemplating deleting them and writing a new post about...about...I have no idea but writing about anything but that sounds way less stressful and shameful.
Yes, I feel ashamed. That's something I struggle with a lot. That's the biggest reason why it took me so damn long to reach out and get myself the help I so desperately needed. I constantly asked and criticized myself with: What on earth did you have to be depressed about? You have a great husband who is your partner in every sense of the word, a crazy, yet oh so awesome daughter, a house, food, a car, good health, great family and super friends. And still, every day I was feeling like I was treading water and every day, it was more of a struggle to keep myself afloat.
There was not and is not an exact reason for my depression. Not everyone can pinpoint why they feel the way they do. And nobody and I mean, NOBODY, wants these feelings. The feelings that they aren't good enough, that they are worthless and nobody likes them because who would? The guilt of being a bad wife, mother, friend, or other family member. Shutting yourself off, pulling away from those you love you and want to help because you just can't bear to talk to anyone. It's a vicious cycle and I let it go on for way too long.
Going to see my doctor and getting on Pristiq was one of the best things I could have done for myself. And I had to do it for myself, for my family too, but most importantly for me. I had to help myself. It took two weeks and my symptoms were fading. Telling my family and friends the truth instead of the usual "I'm fine" when they asked me what was wrong was another good thing. Making the decision that I was not going to live like that any more, knowing that I had nothing to be ashamed about and that taking care of me was not a selfish thing has made the past few months so much better and the weight on my shoulders so much lighter.
I still have my bad days. But who doesn't? What I don't have anymore, are days when I do not want to get out of bed. Days when I want to run away because I think that everyone would be better off without me around. Days when I want to hide from the world. Days when I felt so alone.
I now know that I am not the only one to have these feelings. I am not alone. I am not a bad person. And if anyone reading this has had similar feelings or the exact same feelings, you are not alone. Do what you have to do to get better. You will not regret it.
Yes, I feel ashamed. That's something I struggle with a lot. That's the biggest reason why it took me so damn long to reach out and get myself the help I so desperately needed. I constantly asked and criticized myself with: What on earth did you have to be depressed about? You have a great husband who is your partner in every sense of the word, a crazy, yet oh so awesome daughter, a house, food, a car, good health, great family and super friends. And still, every day I was feeling like I was treading water and every day, it was more of a struggle to keep myself afloat.
There was not and is not an exact reason for my depression. Not everyone can pinpoint why they feel the way they do. And nobody and I mean, NOBODY, wants these feelings. The feelings that they aren't good enough, that they are worthless and nobody likes them because who would? The guilt of being a bad wife, mother, friend, or other family member. Shutting yourself off, pulling away from those you love you and want to help because you just can't bear to talk to anyone. It's a vicious cycle and I let it go on for way too long.
Going to see my doctor and getting on Pristiq was one of the best things I could have done for myself. And I had to do it for myself, for my family too, but most importantly for me. I had to help myself. It took two weeks and my symptoms were fading. Telling my family and friends the truth instead of the usual "I'm fine" when they asked me what was wrong was another good thing. Making the decision that I was not going to live like that any more, knowing that I had nothing to be ashamed about and that taking care of me was not a selfish thing has made the past few months so much better and the weight on my shoulders so much lighter.
I still have my bad days. But who doesn't? What I don't have anymore, are days when I do not want to get out of bed. Days when I want to run away because I think that everyone would be better off without me around. Days when I want to hide from the world. Days when I felt so alone.
I now know that I am not the only one to have these feelings. I am not alone. I am not a bad person. And if anyone reading this has had similar feelings or the exact same feelings, you are not alone. Do what you have to do to get better. You will not regret it.
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